i wish that i could give you what you want.
i wish that i could beg you to stay.
we can’t keep going in circles.
i can’t stop you
if you can’t have me the way that i am.
i can’t tell you not to leave.
why can’t you accept me this way?
why can’t you just have me in your life,
rather than not at all?
am i not enough?
is it not enough for me to just be?
why do you have to want more?
why do you have to want all of me?
why do you want what i cannot give?
i told you that i would leave.
i told you that i would walk away
if this got too hard for you.
this is me being the bigger person.
this is me not being enough for you.
could i have ever been enough?
you could never love me anyway.
i would have never been enough for you.
you were only ever in love with the idea of me.
i can’t keep doing this.
i won’t be able to do this again.
it’ll really be over this time.
this is really the end.
of us.
an us that never even got to live,
to see the light of day.
an us we’ll never get to truly experience.
how sad it is.
how devastating
to mourn something—
someone—
that didn’t even really exist in the first place.
i’m crashing the fuck out.
how is it that you’ve left me?
i let you leave.
i had to let you go.
why does it hurt so much more
to let go of something,
someone,
that wasn’t even mine
to begin with?
you’ve ripped my heart out
and crushed it into sand.
i can’t even be angry at you.
i’m filled with rage and heartache,
and i can’t even blame it on you.
this space between us
feels like the hole in my chest.
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